This last week was spent out of town with my sister-in-law, her husband and their new baby. It was a wonderful week! I got to meet my first nephew, and we captured a few picture perfect moments with my son and my nephew – baby cousins meeting for the first time! Precious!
Here’s the thing though. Even surrounded by love and light – newborns just make you smile! – I felt less filled up than normal… Is that the right term, less filled up? I wasn’t “empty” just not as full.
Part of this likely stemmed from the fact that James and I were there without Daddy… He was off on a different trip. So I always feel a little less complete when I’m missing my husband. Absence makes the heart grow fonder in our case.
But as I reflected on the week as we flew home yesterday, I realized more of the feeling of “less-full-ness” came from the fact that we missed church that week. Between traveling and not doing the research to find and attend a Mass, I noticed that Sunday had slipped by.
And as I thought back about my thoughts and actions from Monday progressing through to Friday, I began to notice the swift decline that took place. My patience lacked more and more each day. My outlook became more negative. I got more irritated more easily.
And a quote came to me – I’m walking by sight not by faith. This is the opposite of what is expressed in 1 Corinthians chapter 5, “we walk by faith, not by sight.” I missed my connection with Jesus and with the Church. I didn’t pray as much, and I didn’t feel as loved or forgiven. Each day was a new opportunity to be better and each day I failed. The difference was that other weeks I still felt refreshed after attending church and this week I felt more and more terrible.
I had no idea I would feel that way either – I hadn’t missed services in almost 9 months, thanks to my RCIA program – so it took me a while to come to the conclusion that I missed my time with Jesus.
The crazy part? I kept thinking – I was walking by sight. I wasn’t walking by faith. Walking by sight. Not faith. I need to set my sights on Jesus!
Well, I wake up this morning to write this all down and what do I see? My new framed bible verse from a nun who is a longtime friend of the family. What verse is it, you ask? 1 Corinthians 5:7 “We walk by faith, not by sight.”
I had unwrapped this confirmation gift a day before I packed up and left. If you had asked me what she had given me I couldn’t have told you what verse… Only knew it was a small cross frame with a nice verse inside. No conscious idea.
Lo and behold, Jesus reminded me. He saw my struggle and gave me words to describe the problem. He led me to a solution. And he never ceases to amaze me in these ways!
I feel better now, but I am still craving the service tomorrow, on Mother’s Day. I expect after that I’ll feel quite full again.
I don’t plan on missing Mass again anytime soon.
May Jesus guide you and lead you. Walk by faith, not by sight!