Walking by Sight

This last week was spent out of town with my sister-in-law, her husband and their new baby. It was a wonderful week! I got to meet my first nephew, and we captured a few picture perfect moments with my son and my nephew – baby cousins meeting for the first time! Precious!

Here’s the thing though. Even surrounded by love and light – newborns just make you smile! – I felt less filled up than normal… Is that the right term, less filled up? I wasn’t “empty” just not as full.

Part of this likely stemmed from the fact that James and I were there without Daddy… He was off on a different trip. So I always feel a little less complete when I’m missing my husband. Absence makes the heart grow fonder in our case.

But as I reflected on the week as we flew home yesterday, I realized more of the feeling of “less-full-ness” came from the fact that we missed church that week. Between traveling and not doing the research to find and attend a Mass, I noticed that Sunday had slipped by.

And as I thought back about my thoughts and actions from Monday progressing through to Friday, I began to notice the swift decline that took place. My patience lacked more and more each day. My outlook became more negative. I got more irritated more easily.

And a quote came to me – I’m walking by sight not by faith. This is the opposite of what is expressed in 1 Corinthians chapter 5, “we walk by faith, not by sight.” I missed my connection with Jesus and with the Church. I didn’t pray as much, and I didn’t feel as loved or forgiven. Each day was a new opportunity to be better and each day I failed. The difference was that other weeks I still felt refreshed after attending church and this week I felt more and more terrible.

I had no idea I would feel that way either – I hadn’t missed services in almost 9 months, thanks to my RCIA program – so it took me a while to come to the conclusion that I missed my time with Jesus.

The crazy part? I kept thinking – I was walking by sight. I wasn’t walking by faith. Walking by sight. Not faith. I need to set my sights on Jesus!

Well, I wake up this morning to write this all down and what do I see? My new framed bible verse from a nun who is a longtime friend of the family. What verse is it, you ask? 1 Corinthians 5:7 “We walk by faith, not by sight.”

I had unwrapped this confirmation gift a day before I packed up and left. If you had asked me what she had given me I couldn’t have told you what verse… Only knew it was a small cross frame with a nice verse inside. No conscious idea.

Lo and behold, Jesus reminded me. He saw my struggle and gave me words to describe the problem. He led me to a solution. And he never ceases to amaze me in these ways!

I feel better now, but I am still craving the service tomorrow, on Mother’s Day. I expect after that I’ll feel quite full again.

I don’t plan on missing Mass again anytime soon.

May Jesus guide you and lead you. Walk by faith, not by sight!

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2 thoughts on “Walking by Sight

  1. Steph, I just read all of your posts and was shaking my head “yes” to all of them. You truly have a gift with words. I’ve also had that little voice in my head, telling me I missed something important that week. I’ve had so many excuses- Baby! Moving! Weddings! Sick baby! And yet when I miss service, that week always spirals out of control. I’m snippy with Joe, I’m not as forgiving with my employees, even my poor baby gets eye rolls when he starts fussing. Thanks for sharing, it definitely reaffirmed my need to walk by faith!

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    • I don’t know how I’m just seeing this, but thank you and YES. I think we’ve all been there. We just have to decide how to make the best of it when we miss (grace!) and how to make sure we don’t miss again (that’s harder!). I’m so glad this “spoke” to you, and I’m glad I have a friend at church that can help me stay accountable!

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