Note: This post contains partial thoughts, notes and information from various days after UV left.
There aren’t many words that can be used to describe how I’m feeling now. Because I honestly don’t know. Maybe that’s not true… maybe there are TOO many words that describe how I’m feeling and you probably don’t want to know them all.
Yesterday, which already feels like months ago, we said goodbye to UV. I …
January 16: (email sent to our “supporters”)
I’m not sure what to share now! It’s quieter here, which I never thought I’d say with these two silly boys. 🙂
UV left Thursday morning and thankfully contacted us early Friday, so I know he made it back to his “school” safely.
We had a great last week together.
James keeps asking about UV, so it’s hard when I have to explain he won’t be here again for some time (if at all).
And there are so many unknowns.
Will he be fed well? Will he continue to stand tall? Will he get to keep his belongings he hauled back? Will he be moved to a foster family? Will we be able to host again? Will he stay safe?
We just have to “let go” as best we can and let God take it. We’re going to do our best to help him, in whatever way we can, but we have to have faith that he’ll be ok and have obedience in doing the next right thing.
Jacob and I both agreed: as fast as this all happened, as insane as it might have seemed to some of you – this was part of His plan for us. None of this felt out of place. Nothing about this was shocking to us. It’s as if this is what we were supposed to do, at this time, from the beginning, and I just can’t explain the peace that brings me.
Viktor will be missed dearly by us and by many of you. Thank you for all of your love and support. There are no words to express our gratitude for helping us do what we felt needed to be done. I’m overwhelmed.
Peace & Love
My mom came to help out today (thanks, Mom!). I had some things I’d been meaning to share with her about UV and his time here that we really hadn’t had a chance to discuss.
I told her my main lessons…
Being with UV was hard. Not because he particularly challenging but because I now had three kids. My toddler said “MINE” at least 547 times per day, and my teen said “Steph!” about 390 times per day, and my baby cried plenty. So I had my already-frayed mommy nerves rattled. Add in the ability to not really speak with him (Ukrainian + Italian + English + Google Translate) and I’d be DONE at the end of the day.
I also found myself trying not to love on him too much. Is that wrong? Probably. Perhaps I was guarding my heart without knowing it or knowing why. I (selfishly) didn’t want to hurt when he was gone. I didn’t want to hurt him by loving and then leaving him.
But you know what?
I realized on the drive home (as the sun shined down on us, like God was offering us a warm hug) that UV was like Jesus. How many times do we shut out our hearts to him? Only to learn, realize, remember, believe that he has ALWAYS loved us. No matter what.
UV loved me even when I didn’t want to love on him. He may have been frustrated (I can only imagine!) or angry at times, just like me, but he would always come over and hug on me anyway. A lot. And it really broke me down or built me up depending on MY mood. Isn’t that silly?
Imagine how Jesus feels!! He loves us like that every single day and we do what? Turn away? Shrug him off? God, I’m so guilty of that. Forgive me.
Working with an orphan was a true exhibition of Jesus’ love. It was Jesus work. And while I feel like I might have failed him at times, I know he (UV) and He (JC) forgive me and love me anyway.
Gosh, I never can quite say what I want to say. Perhaps it’s the fact that back to “normal” means I don’t get to sit down and finish my thoughts!
Bottom line of all of the above (completed entries and not)…
At no point during this process did Jacob and I feel like this wasn’t EXACTLY RIGHT.
Challenges, pleasures, travels, joys, heartbreak, stresses, barriers, happiness – all of it was what we needed to do right at this exact time in our lives. And I don’t know why. I may never know why. But I know this was right.
It was fast.
It was crazy.
It was unexpected.
It was God’s will.
I have never felt such peace about anything IN MY LIFE, even the birth of my own children or my wedding day. This was the CLEAREST message from God I have EVER received.
Lord, help us to continue to listen to YOUR voice and YOUR word and see YOUR desires fulfilled. Not my own. Help me to be a servant for you, to allow myself to be embraced by you, and to share the Good News about you. Show me, Lord, and I will trust. I will believe. I will have faith. I will follow. No matter how comfortable or uncomfortable it is. (and give me another chance if I don’t do it right away). Thank you for blessing us with UV. Watch over him, Lord. Love him like only you (and he) know how. Protect him. Guide him. Bless him and my family, Lord, for being open to this adventure. Thank you for my husband, thank you for my children, and thank you for bringing us a new child to love and care for even from afar. Keep us ever mindful of the needs of others, Lord. In your name, Amen.