Just One

Ok, so I’m no expert – I hope if ANYTHING I have established that fact. And if anything, I’ve probably left you wondering if I am emotionally capable of handling most things (based on my HIGH and LOW posts I seem to share!)… but seriously? Why did I think having one kid was so hard?

Is that the burden of being the oldest? Is that why they/we end up with more type-A roles/personalities? Because your mom and dad flipped the fudge out when you were born?! I certainly did.

When my oldest joined us around 3 years ago (Happy belated birthday, honey buns!), he was my life, my world, my greatest love (sorry, babe.)… and he wore. me. out.

Breastfeeding sucked (ha! See what I did there!). No sleep practically killed me. There were BUCKETS more tears than normal (sorry, babe). And though he had no colic, no major health issues (Thank you, Lord), and no other abnormal ailments I still lost my freaking head.

Lost it.

Most days were good, from what I can remember. Days filled with smiles and giggles and pictures and cuddling and watching him explore and learn. Fixing little baby meals, fixing bottles. Reading books. Giving (or watching) baths.

But it took me a while to be comfortable leaving the house with him. I managed. And I enjoyed it as he got older, but Lord knows I was consumed with anxiety over the thought of it! And pretty much consumed until I returned home safe and sound.

Constant nagging in my head about my worth. Questioning my parental skills, knowledge, love, expectations. You know, typical new mom stuff. Or old mom stuff. Mom stuff!

And here I am, on a cloudy, drizzly day… with a to-do list out the wah-zoo and only my infant in tow. Goodness and mercy – it is night and day. Without James here, I am so much more productive. And baby Joseph – a little doll! Even when he’s upset (like right now because I am making him try to take a nap), I’m sitting here like “Meh, he’s fine – he is just so tired. He’ll cry a bit and go to sleep.” [edit. in the three minutes I’ve sat here since this line, he has since passed out… and now I jinxed it. ok no more talking about naps on the blog!]

As I get things done (in like a 1/3 of the time as normal – speed cleaning!), I’m thinking “I really thought baby James had done me in – how is it that 3-year-old James, now enjoying time with Oma and Opa, is exhausting me more than our 6 month old?!” And “Gosh, Joseph is so easy.”

Well, he IS the baby. The youngest sibling. My little one. My favorite (just kidding, James, honey, you’re both my favorites). 😉

Ok, so the sibling trait differences definitely start around now, based on my calculations.

But one kid?! At 6 months?! So easy right now! So easy the second time around. So much easier than second-guessing myself, googling things, hating my choices, crying to my husband.

Yes, those things still happen. I believe I have made that abundantly clear!

But really. What was so hard about that one? Why was it so hard for me to RELAX with James?

Gosh.

So glad I don’t have just one. James, thanks for teaching me, honey. Joseph, thanks for rolling with what I have learned. Love you both to the moon (and stars) and back!

And mamas – any of you and all of you – I pray for you. All the time. Moms of big kids, little kids, unborns, angels, warriors, kids with no hair, kids who won’t sit still to do their hair, teens (gulp!), and moms who have had to say goodbye to their babies. I think of you all. All the time. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t thank God for my boys and thank God for other moms. Moms of all sorts. Moms of all ages. I believe Moms make the world go around. I believe Moms are in control of the future – because we have the future beings in our bellies and wrapped in our arms and in the back seat of our cars… love you moms.

If you’re thinking of becoming a mom – two pieces of unsolicited advice.

One – don’t let the “one kid freak out” stuff happen… as best you can anyway.

Two – have more than one! 😉

 

xo steph

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