Note: I wrote this note to myself a while back (with pen and paper – imagine!), and I never published it. Back-dated to 5/9/16
Yes, I used your first name in full. This is serious. Pay attention.
You are a good mom. Stop telling yourself otherwise. Smile. Be grateful. Do stuff. Have some fun. And, for the love, let everything else go. You know how blessed (and mercifully, forgiven) you are. Why do you act otherwise?
Life is hard for moms with young kids, yes. There is no denying that. But mentally, emotionally, you’re making it harder on yourself (and those you love) by wallowing in self-pity, guilt, or anger.
Laugh! Life isn’t that serious. Your kids need to see the real you. One that takes her job as mom seriously, sure, but also a woman who likes to have fun and snuggle and read and do yoga and go places and not someone who is insecure, frustrated, lazy, “too tired,” or just plain overwhelmed.
And yes, you’re pregnant. With baby #3. It’s unreal and (fairly) making you feel anxious and unprepared (again).
You feel bad for James. Another baby that takes away his “much-needed” love and attention.
You feel bad for Joseph. He’s a baby for heaven’s sake! And now he’ll be a “big brother”?! He won’t really get any alone mommy time. Poor guy… 😉 ha
But mostly, selfishly, you feel just plain yucky yourself. Fear, anxiety and hormones make thinking positive thoughts challenging.
You have to do it anyway, Steph!
People have always loved your energy, enthusiasm, passion, and humor – so… what’s the problem?? You don’t have to “be” or “beat” anyone at this mothering game. Just be you. And give yourself some slack. The rope of comparison makes a tight noose; you’re only hanging yourself.
And another thing.
Stop worrying about the boys. Their childhood will be magical and fantastical no matter what. Just set the boundaries and let them explore. Exploration leads to wonderment, independence, and gratitude. Treat them with love and respect and mercy. Discipline them with kindness and firmness. Then forgive and forget. They always do. Why can’t you?
God loves you, Steph. He’s happy YOU are HIS and he forgives you for your not-so-great MOMents. You just have to accept it, and I know that’s hard for you to do. He loves you just the same. You are enough. You are more than enough! Relish that! Don’t resist it. He has BIG PLANS for you and right now, they involve 2.5 kids. You’ve got this. He knows you do.
I’m cheering you on, too.
Happy Mother’s Day!
P.S. You’re beautiful. Stand tall, sweetie!