Truth Time

fullsizerender

I posted this a week ago, and I have to admit… it isn’t all true.

  • We did survive.
  • It will be a cake walk 😉
  • And yes! Thank you Lord – it was one of the best months of my life.

But…

It was not the hardest. Not at all. Actually, not even close.

It’s been so much easier than I worried about. I had this three kids thing built up to be so scary and so impossible. When she was born, though, it was like the gray clouds parted. Life just clicked. All of my fears disappeared. My heart expanded. My shoulders relaxed. She was here and now we’re complete. Of course it would be great from here on out! 

Yes, there have been tears in the middle of the night and some tears during the day. Frustration, irritation, and some stress? All yes.

But overall, the hardest month? No way!
That was when sweet baby James joined us.
NO SLEEP. NO IDEA WHAT TO DO. NO LETTING PEOPLE HELP. I GOT THIS BUT NOT REALLY. FIRST-TIME PARENT LIFE, RIGHT?!

Now? I sleep. I rest. I let the house stay messy. I have an idea of what to do. I let anyone and everyone help. {You want to help? Come on over. I’ll be waiting with some coffee. Then I’ll bail on you and take a bath.}

Because that’s what I do now. I feel peace. I feel contentment. I feel gratitude. I’m so beyond happy to have my three kids, even when two are having a scream contest while one pukes on me! I’m realizing with each additional child, and with each passing day/night, that this time Is. So. Precious. We should (try to) enjoy every moment. 

(I’m also letting go more and more of my “old self”; someone who used to say to herself “You need to be working. You’re highly educated. Get a job. “Contribute” more to the household. Bring in more income for your kids’ futures. You can do it! You used to balance grad school and several jobs and time for friends and a boyfriend. Don’t settle for staying home! You’ll lose your edge!”)

Hahaha. Yeah…

Well, the Lord has chipped away at that. Finally. I’m finally learning to accept my role. And I love it. I’m blessed to be a mom. I’m in awe at the privilege to be a stay-at-home mom. I will no longer take advantage of these life roles. It’s truly special, and I can’t say thank you enough…

In conclusion, I am sorry I lied. It really hasn’t been THAT hard. It has hard moments. I still cry. But mostly I cry tears of joy. (see above. tears happen!)

AND I’ve accepted new mantras, new feelings of love and gratitude and acceptance and surrender:

When someone now says enjoy every moment. I say “I do.” Absolutely.

And when someone asks how can I help? I say, “Call me. Come on over.”

And when people say “forget those other things and focus on your kids – this is your job now,” I do. I believe them and their past-parenting wisdom. I leave the dreams and business ideas and goals for another day and sit down and make tinker toy creations.

And when I look at my precious babies, I thank God for every hair on their heads. 

It isn’t easy. But it’s worth it.

So worth it.

***

PS – In no way is this written as a ‘look at me i am awesome and amazing and you can’t figure it out with your one kid or pet or whatever’ piece. NO! I am admitting my past weaknesses… and realizing that HE makes me strong. HE shows me how to love three adorable (and sometimes irritating 😉 ) little creatures through DAILY stumbling, grace, forgiveness and accepting help. Yes, LORD! Yes! I’m finally listening!

Thank you to EVERYONE who has helped me along the way. My Lord and Savior. Husband. Family. Friends. Church. I love you all, and my gratitude to you is eternal. Blessings and prayers as we all journey along this path called parenthood. Love love love.

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